Fighting Crimson Tears
by crystaltears16
Summary: Addison deals with her problems in a personal way, and nobody knows. When she enters a new high school, she meets Derek, who could save her in more ways than one, but is she ready to show him the scars of her past? WARNING: Deals with self harm. Addek
1. Introduction

**A/N: Well. I haven't written in forever, and I still need to update 'Six years' but I'm stuck on how to progress it. Anyway, this fic will be multi chaptered, the idea for it just randomly came into my head the other day, then I forgot it, then I remembered again. So yeah, if it sucks, tell me so I won't continue with it :)**

**WARNING: This deals with self injury, so if you don't like it, don't read. **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Nada, zip, zilch.**

_They carried on screaming at each other, the words 'divorce' and 'affair' were tossed in the air like autumn leaves. A thirteen year old Addison sat on the stairs, tears streaming down her face as she listened to her parents tear each other down to pieces._

_Why her? Why her parents?_

_She turned and scrambled up the stairs to her bedroom, having heard enough. Why was it, that one moment, everything seemed so perfect, so in place, but the next moment it all collapsed around her, her world falling apart?_

"_Why us?" She wondered aloud, sitting on the edge of her bed. For as long as she could remember, her parents had been the elite New York couple whom everyone had been jealous of. They had it all, looks, money, love. Well, she thought they had love. Everyone still thinks they have it. _

_Addison sighed, curling up on her bed, trying to shut out the loud, muffled voices from below. She wanted to sleep, no, wake up from this nightmare. She pinched herself, relishing in the slight pain relief it provided. She sat up, rubbing her skin. Glancing around the room, her gaze fell upon a blade of silver, in the form of her sharpener. She slowly walked toward it, picking it up with her left hand. She pressed it against her wrist, drawing it toward her, flinching slightly at the pain and blood that drew from it. She felt released from something, concentrating on the pain it gave other than how she felt internally. She felt alive._

Addison walked down the hallway of her new high school, searching for her homeroom.

"Need any help?" Addison turned to see a tall guy, of around six feet, she guessed.

"Yeah, I'm trying to find Mrs Derbyshire's room?"

The guy laughed, before pointing behind her. "It's right there."

Addison sighed, plastering a smile on her face. "Of course," She said graciously, "Thank you." She turned to knock on the door, only to be interrupted.

"I'm Derek," He offered, "Derek Shepherd."

She gave him a somewhat shy smile, before returning the gesture. "Addison. Addison Montgomery."

"See you around," He smiled, walking down the hall. Addison smiled to herself, turning back to knock on the door of her new homeroom.

--

"Who's the new chick?" Mark nudged Derek, staring at Addison in the cafeteria. Derek turned to watch her buy a chicken salad from the food court, not noticing Mark waving in his face.

"Dude, she has you whipped already!" Mark laughed, slapping his back.

"Shut up, Mark." Derek felt a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. He watched Addison sit down at a table at the far end of the cafeteria, setting her tray down. He noticed she was sat alone, but she didn't seem deterred by this, she simply brought out a book from her bag and started reading, occasionally taking a bite of her salad.

"Hey."

Addison looked up, surprised to see Derek standing there. "Hey."

"Can I sit?" Derek gestured to a spare seat. Addison nodded, putting down her book. Derek sat, taking a bite of his apple he had brought with him. She smiled uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.

"So how was your first morning of this oh-so entertaining high school?"

"Not great, but not bad either," Addison replied, "Mrs Derbyshire's a great teacher, but I'm sure Mr Harte is an undercover cop, he's suspicious on absolutely everything."

"Ah, good old Mr Harte, I'm sure all math teachers are like that, but he is just... him."

Addison grinned, taking a bite of chicken. Derek watched her, noticing the little details of her face, the corners of her mouth being pulled up by her smiles, her eyes, how she seemed all-together at one glance, but he saw a myriad of emotions, feelings, of Addison. He knew there was more to her than what met the eye, and he was intrigued.

"So, how did you come to Hartford?" Derek's innocent question raised up panicked glances from Addison, quickly masked by an air of cool innocence.

"My mom got a new job," She shrugged. _Well it's true, _she thought, _but he doesn't need to know the whole truth."_

_--_

"_We're moving where?" Addison asked, panic rising through her like bile. "But I like it here!"_

"_Addison, we're moving, I am most certainly not staying in the same city as your father, especially after three insufferable years living in the same house waiting for the divorce to go through!"_

"_Then why can't I stay with him?" Silence erupted in the room, Addison wishing she could take her words back, unable to breathe._

"_Because," Her mother said in a tight, clipped tone, "You are coming with me." At that, she grabbed Addison's wrist, not noticing the small cry of pain that was uttered, pulling her out of the brownstone and into the waiting cab._

"_Can't I at least say goodbye to dad?" Addison timidly asked. She inwardly sighed to herself, sixteen years old and she was still scared of her own mother._

_There was never a reply, just a reflection of a cool, hardened face in the window._

_--_

It was the end of the school day, and Addison had just gotten home. A smile haunted her lips as she replayed hers and Derek's conversation from their lunch hour. A door banged shut upstairs, followed by a thunderous roar of high heels against wooden flooring. Addison sighed to herself, quickly moving into the kitchen as to avoid the whirlwind that was her mother.

"Addison, go fix your hair, you look like you've been out all day," Came the bark from Dominique Montgomery.

"I HAVE been out all day."

"Don't talk to me like that young lady. Go fix it. And what's with the sweater? It's about a hundred degrees out. Go change into something more suitable."

Addison rolled her eyes and marched upstairs, subconsciously pulling the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands, so everything was concealed. She locked herself in her room, immediately heading to her dresser, opening the drawer to reveal a sharp pair of scissors.

_Just one more, and then I'll stop._

_Why do it? I had a good day at school._

_My mother is driving me crazy._

_Does she even love me?_

_I wish I could talk to my dad._

_Where is he?_

_Would anyone notice if I was gone?_

A million thoughts running through her head, she gingerly picked up the pair of scissors, opening them so that she held a blade to her skin.

_I could end it right now. I could end my life, I have that control. I'm holding something that could easily mean the end of life as I know it. _

They plagued her mind as she cut deeper into her skin, the rational part of her mind screaming to stop. She watched the blood trickle down into her hand, wiping it away to see what would become yet another scar.

_No one has to know._

**A/N: Yeah, that's it, the introductory chapter. Should I continue or not? Please review and tell me what you think.. honestly. Thanks :)**


	2. Who would understand?

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts guys :p I wasn't sure about this fic because self harm isn't something that people really write about, but last week I received some news and it hit me hard, so I really want to raise the awareness of how self harm can be really destructive, especially if no one speaks out.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. grr.**

Addison slammed her locker shut, resting her head on the cool metal.

"Hey."

Addison jumped, turning to see Derek. "You really have to stop creeping up on me like that!"

Derek laughed, leaning against the wall of lockers. "What are you up to after school?"

Addison thought for a moment, coming up with nothing of particular importance, "Nothing, why?"

Derek grinned, "Meet me here after the last bell." With that, he walked down the hallway before Addison could say anything. She grinned to herself, shaking her head and walking down to her homeroom before school officially started.

--

Once in homeroom, Addison took her usual seat at the back of the class, taking out her book. She ignored the trickle of students coming into the class, focusing on the words of Danielle Steel. She could hear the snickers of a group of girls, the whispers of the jocks. She knew they weren't talking about her, or laughing at her, but she felt her cheeks burn as she tried to engross herself further into her novel.

"Hey, Red, you hot enough?" Addison looked up to see a group of guys staring at her, confusion etched on her face.

"I mean, it's the hottest day of summer and you look like you're about to melt!"

"Yeah, what's with the cashmere?"

"Freak."

Addison ignored them, bringing the book up in front of her face, elbows on the table. She tried to ignore her thumping heart, concentrating on the words that swam about before her. This time, she knew the giggles, whispers and fingers were pointed at her, but she didn't care. They didn't know.

--

Addison made her way through the crowded halls to her locker at the end of school, relief flooding through her. She dumped all her school books in her locker, slamming it shut. She closed her eyes and leant towards it, thanking whoever was up there that the day ended quickly. She opened her eyes and noticed Derek standing next to her, a smile playing on his lips.

"Didn't make you jump this time, did I?" He smirked.

Addison smiled, shaking her head. "So, where are you planning on taking me?"

"Well, seeing as you're new to Hartford, I thought I'd take you to the most important places."

"Ah, sounds good," Addison grinned, "Sure beats staying home doing nothing."

--

"So then I get home, Nancy is screaming the house down, my mom is running around trying to calm everyone down, and Kathleen is calmly sitting on the couch watching television, giving no indication that she can hear everything going on!"

Addison laughed, "Sounds like Kathleen is the more sensible one!"

"She is, but she can be too sensible, when I went out with Mark one night, I had to sneak out the house and I found Kathleen in front of the door, having just told my mom what I was planning to do." Derek grimaced at the memory, "I was grounded for a month and forced to do all the washing up during that time."

Addison giggled as she pictured it, laying down on the grass. Derek followed suit, staring at the clouds. "So, what about your family?"

Addison stiffened slightly, not knowing what to say, "Well I live with my mom. My dad's away," She replied cryptically, hoping Derek wouldn't push further.

He turned to face her, lifting himself up on his elbow. "You're a mystery, Addison Montgomery."

_There are some things I'd rather not say, you wouldn't understand. Besides, I've only just met you._

Addison simply laughed, covering her thoughts. "If you say so."

--

"_Dad?" Addison asked timidly, sitting up on her bed. It was hours after the blown out argument had ended, the voices fading from her mind._

"_Hey Addi bear," Christopher Montgomery walked into her room, sitting at the edge of her bed._

"_Are you and mom going to split up?" The blunt question bubbled on her lips, fading into silence as Chris sat, not knowing what to say._

"_It looks that way, sweetie."_

"_I don't want you to leave."_

"_I don't want to leave you either," Chris spoke softly, holding her hand from under the covers._

_Addison stiffened as he reached for her hand, but relaxed when he grabbed the hand which doesn't lead to the cuts she had given herself a few hours ago._

"_I love you dad," Addison tried not to cry, realising she wouldn't be seeing him as often as she wanted to._

"_I love you too Addi bear, this doesn't change anything between us, least of all my love for you, okay?"_

_Addison nodded, not being able to help thinking that this DOES change their relationship. He may still love her, but he'll no longer be around when she needs him, when her mother drives her crazy._

_She'll no longer see a father figure in her life, when everyone around her has a happy family, she'll be the one keeping the secrets._

--

In her bedroom, closing the door, Addison took off her sweater and relished in the cool air that hit her arms. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the scars that covered her arms.

_Why shouldn't I look? I caused them._

Addison opened her eyes, inspecting her arm. Bile rose in her throat at seeing the cuts, fresh and old. She did this to herself, she caused herself pain, and it made her feel even more ashamed.

_Why?_

How could she explain herself to someone, when she couldn't explain it to herself? She could, she just couldn't find the words, or maybe they just wouldn't understand. They wouldn't see it as a way of escaping, of not feeling the emotional emptiness inside, a way of feeling alive, by seeing the blood, by feeling the pain.

Who _would_ understand?

**A/N: Yeah, chapter 2 done. I didn't really know what to write so this was kind of a filler chapter. Anyway, read and review!**


	3. Finding out

**A/N: Okay. Chapter number three. Personally, I don't really like this one.. mainly because I don't think I managed to capture the emotion and shock at the end of this very well. Thanks for the reviews from the previous chapters!**

**And a big thank you to Emily and Zoe for giving me ideas!**

Days passed, the scars and cuts grew more frequent, deeper. Addison and Derek became close friends, Addison going to Derek's house every day after school. She saw this as a way to escape her own home, her own mother. She felt accepted and loved, like an honorary member of his family. It was around him, she realised, that she never felt the urges to cut. It was always when she was on her own, when her thoughts plagued her mind, or when her mother made yet another scathing remark, or when her father failed yet again to call her. It was times like these; she felt she was all alone in the world, trapped by her emotions, which then spilled over onto her arms.

But with Derek, she masked the reality of herself, scared that if he ever found out about the real her, he wouldn't like her anymore, that he'd leave her, like those she loves always seem to do. It was with Derek, that she felt protected and safe not only from her home, but from herself.

"Hey Adds," Derek called over, jogging to catch up with her. "Are you not coming to mine?"

Addison shook her head, "My mom wants me to go home today."

Derek looked disappointed, slowing to a walk beside her. "Are you planning to go to the dance on Friday?" He asked, shooting a sideways glance in her direction.

"I don't do dances," She lied. In reality, she used to love dances, the dresses, heels and makeup. But now, she felt she couldn't risk wearing dresses in case someone notices her arms.

"Neither do I, but maybe we could go and suffer together?" He joked, "They'll probably do those really bad kitsch songs, like the Macarena or the Time Warp."

Addison laughed slightly, shaking her head. "I look really bad dressed up."

Derek eyed her curiously. "I seriously doubt that."

Addison shrugged, "I'm still not going."

"What's there to lose?"

Addison looked at him. _Everything, _she thought. But he wasn't to know that.

"Fine, I'll go with you."

_What have I got myself into?_

_--_

Addison glared at herself in the mirror, hating her appearance. She held out a piece of the green fabric, letting it fall back down her legs. How on earth can Derek look at her without feeling repulsed? She sighed, sitting back down on the bed. She held out her arm, scanning her scars. They were pretty pronounced, red and fresh, some were scabbing. Addison stood to rummage in her wardrobe for a bolero top, to hide her arms.

_Why did I agree to this anyway?_

She slid the top on, smiling slightly as it fit, covering all her scars. She applied some lip gloss, fluffed her hair and was ready to go. She jumped slightly as she heard the doorbell ring, indicating Derek's arrival. She took a deep breath, and went to meet him.

_Here goes nothing._

--

"Wow, the music is loud in here!" Addison yelled to Derek, sat next to her. He nodded in agreement, pretending to block his ears.

"Want to get out of here for a while?"

Addison nodded with relief, standing up. Derek followed suit, offering his arm, which Addison gladly took. They walked out of the hall, breathing with relief as they stood in the foyer.

"Told you I don't do dances," Addison smiled.

"Maybe, but you definitely lied about looking bad dressed up," Derek smirked, turning to face her. He took in her appearance, the knee length green dress, the matching bolero top which hugged her figure perfectly. Addison blushed under his gaze, a shy smile tugging at her lips. "We should go back inside," Addison murmured, feeling the heat from their bodies. Derek simply nodded, taking her arm once more.

When they were sat back at their table, Addison looked to her side, barely seeing Derek through the dark atmosphere. Bright lights occasionally bathed them, but Addison figured she could easily hide...

_What am I thinking?! No way can I take this off._

_It's too hot... he won't see._

_Why would he look at my arms anyway?_

Addison took a deep breath, before sliding her bolero top off. She hid her arm under the table, her heart beating wildly. She took a sip of water, trying to calm her nerves. Derek turned to smile at her, taking her hand under the table. Addison stiffened, forcing a smile upon her face. Derek didn't see through the semi darkness.

"Do you want to dance?" Derek asked, "It's really lively in here!"

"Uhm, yeah sure," Addison stammered, grabbing her bolero top. "Just let me put this back on first."

She stood, moving her arm so that it was slightly positioned by her back, turning so she could slip the bolero without him noticing anything. Suddenly, strobe lights washed over them, panic overtaking Addison as she dropped her bolero, the flashing lights making Derek seem like a blur, but her scars more prominent. Both Addison and Derek bent to retrieve it at the same time, and without thinking, Addison reached for her bolero with the arm she did not want Derek to see.

"Add, what...?" He grabbed her hand, turning it to see the inside of her arm where most of the scars were. He looked at her, shock written on his face. She froze, sheer panic robbing her of speech. Addison closed her eyes briefly, snatching her hand back and standing up.

"It's nothing, I got scratched by tree branches," Addison lied, putting her bolero on, trying to mask her emotions, the dread creeping up her senses, the fear of someone knowing.

Derek didn't know what to say, his gaze stayed on her arm even after Addison had put her top back on. He looked up into her eyes, but her gaze was averted from his, not wanting to meet it.

"I have to go."

Addison turned from him and walked away from the room, walking out of the building and ran down the road until tears blurred her vision so that she could not see.

_How could I have been so stupid?_

She slid down a wall, her sobs echoing in the cold night air.

_Why?_

**_A/N: That's it. I think, next chapter will be solely focused on Addison, and it might be a sort of song fic. I don't know yet though. R&R pleeease!_**


	4. Would he stay?

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews previous chapter! So, this chapter is a little, erm, graphic. It's not too bad (I don't think) but I don't think sugarcoating it would be any good, seeing as there are loads of people in reality who deal with this everyday, or have dealt with it. This chapter sort of deals with the feelings behind self harm, of why someone might resort to it, and the feeling when someone does cut. So, don't say I didn't warn you.**

**Thanks to Emily for helping me with this! love ya :)**

Addison fell onto her bed, crying hysterically. He knew, he knew she self harms. God knows what he thinks of her now, who would like someone who deliberately causes pain to themselves?

But he didn't understand... how could he?

Nobody knew, she was careful to hide it. She wore the jumpers, long sleeved tops, boleros. She wore a smile every day, she pretended everything was okay. She wore that air of false pretence, but once she got home, when she was by herself, everything collapsed, the pressure, her feelings trapped inside came to a boiling point, and she would cut again. She'd then feel the relief it brings, the fact that she was still alive to feel the pain.

Addison stared at the glinting cold metal in her hand. The scream to cut was more intense. Now Derek knew, should she do it? Would he check her arms, or would he be so disgusted that he stayed away from now on? Addison closed her eyes, pressing the blade to her skin. Who cares anyway?

She watched the beads of blood spring up on her skin, the pain mixed in with the feeling of relief. Alive. It's how she always felt when she self harmed. It's not that she wanted to die, but rather to survive. She wasn't an attention seeker. If she was, wouldn't she have worn t-shirts to school, showing off her scars rather than hiding them? Deep down, she wished she could have someone to confide in, to share her problems, to have a shoulder to cry on.

She had no one. Her only friend in school was Derek, but now, she guessed he wouldn't want to be near her now that he knows. She didn't have a mother who was close enough to be a best friend, and she didn't even have a father near.

People let her down, she realised. Her mother, her father. She cursed herself for letting her get close to Derek. She knew it would have been too good to be true, he would leave her, just like everyone else does. But self harm would never leave her. It was always there, in the depths just waiting to come out when she needed it most. It wouldn't let her down.

She cut repeatedly, tears running down her face, blood running down her arm.

_Why her?_

_Why do I care so much of what Derek thinks?_

_Do I have feelings for him?_

Addison stopped suddenly, staring at her blood-ridden arm in shock. She liked him. As in, more than a friend. She really liked him.

_Great timing, _She thought bitterly. Another reason to distance herself away. She didn't want to get hurt, not again. She didn't want to end up like her parents. She didn't want another reason to cut, when it ended.

She stood, feeling dizzy. She walked into the bathroom, holding her arm under a running tap, washing off dried, and flowing blood. She gripped the sink, feeling sick at seeing the new, fresh and gaping cuts that would only add to her collection of scars. She felt disgusted at herself, self loathing spreading through her mind.

_I even wouldn't go out with me. So why would Derek?_

She slid down the wall in the bathroom, cradling her arm. Never has she felt so hopeless, so low. She wanted to sleep, and never wake up.

_--_

When Addison walked into school on Monday, clad in her usual sweater and jeans, everything seemed the same. The students walked past as usual, getting their books out of lockers. She smiled at people who walked past, as normal, reaching her own locker. It was as if nothing had changed, nobody knew what had happened at the dance, and Addison was thankful for that.

She collected her books and made her way to homeroom quickly, as to avoid Derek. She didn't know if she could handle his questions, disappointment, disgust, whatever he feels toward her now. She sighed, wondering why she even came to school, when the surest way of avoiding him would have been to stay at home.

"Addison."

Addison turned, seeing Derek walking beside her. She looked down, concentrating on the direction of her feet.

"Adds, talk to me," Derek pleaded, touching her arm. Immediately, she jerked away from him, moving her arm.

"About what?"

"Friday night."

"There's nothing to talk about."

Derek sighed, noticing the guarded look in her eyes.

"Addison, listen, if there is anything you need to talk about... I promise I won't walk away or look at you differently if that's what you think."

Tears sprung to her eyes, his words hitting the nail on the head. She blinked them away furiously, holding her head high. "There's nothing to talk about," she repeated, not looking him in the eye.

Derek looked at her carefully, nodding slightly. "Alright then. But you know I'm not leaving you."

Addison briefly looked up, a myriad of emotions running through her. "You don't know," she whispered, before running down the hall, the opposite direction of her homeroom, and crashed into the toilets, locking herself in a cubicle. She squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to cry. He cared, he actually cared. But she was too afraid, afraid that if she let him get closer to her, he'll end up hurting more than she's been hurt before. And she didn't know if she could cope, or if any level or depths of cuts would be able to quench her heartbreak.

Anyway, it could be just words. Empty, meaningless words, that if she does open up, would he end up leaving?

Or would he actually stay?

**A/N: Ta-da. That's it for this chapter! Now, read and review please please please!!**


	5. Never

**A/N: Hellooo. New chapter.. Massive thanks to Zoe who basically gave me all the ideas for this one! She rocks with ideas :) Thanks for the reviews :D they're like my happy pringles.**

"Have you seen Addison anywhere?" Derek asked Mark, having not seen Addison since she ran away from him that morning. Mark shook his head, opening his mouth to say something but Derek had disappeared.

Derek searched around the school, asking various students. None of them had seen her, and Derek was getting worried. He contemplated breaking into the girl's toilets, but instead asked a girl who had just come out if there was anyone else in there. There wasn't, and a few weird looks later, Derek feigned sick and asked to go home.

--

In the sanctuary of her own bedroom, Addison curled up on her bed, clutching a new blade. She didn't care that blood was seeping through her sheets; she stared straight ahead, ignoring the tears that were rolling down her face. The sound of her phone broke her out of her reverie, but she let it ring, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her legs. The phone stopped, the silence seeming louder, ringing in Addison's ears.

She swung her legs off her bed, sitting on the edge. She cursed silently seeing her spotted sheets, but made no move to strip them. She sighed, picking up her blade. It was like she couldn't stop, like she constantly felt she had to feel alive, that she existed. Every time she cut, she felt a wash of shame, guilt, but the pain that followed quenched all her feelings. She was so intent on cutting her skin, that she didn't hear someone knocking at her door, someone coming into the house, someone creaking up the stairs.

The door opened, the yell of her name made her look up in alarm, and the sight of Derek made her freeze in shock.

"Addison!" Derek lunged toward her, prising the blade out of her hand, throwing it to the other side of the room. Addison stared, pushing Derek away to walk into her bathroom.

"Add, what is going on?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Addison replied bitterly, grabbing a jumper. Derek snatched the jumper away from her, grabbing her arm.

"It doesn't look like a tree scratched you," Derek said calmly, tracing her old scars gently. Addison flinched and pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself.

"What happened?"

"You saw what happened, quite clearly."

Derek took a step forward, stopping when Addison took a step backward. He sighed, "Look, I came to see if you're okay –"

"I'm fine."

"Addison, I walked in on you cutting yourself," Derek said bluntly. Addison shut her eyes, refusing to let the tears fall. "Don't."

"You're not fine," Derek said softly. Addison looked up, not being able to look into his eyes.

"I'm fine," she repeated.

"So, fine people just decide to cause harm to themselves?" Derek immediately regretted the words when he saw hurt flash through her eyes.

"What would you know? You don't know me!"

"You won't let me get to know you!"

"I don't need to listen to this," Addison muttered, moving past Derek into her bedroom. She opened her door, standing to the side. "Please just go."

"What, so you can cut yourself again?"

"No!"

"Addi, please..."

"You don't understand."

"Then help me understand!"

Addison slammed the door shut, facing Derek. "Why do you care anyway?"

"You're my best friend; of course I care about you."

"I'm no one special, just leave me alone," Addison muttered bitterly, sitting on the bed. Derek sat next to her, gently taking her hand. "Adds, I do care about you. I care so much, and I'm not going anywhere."

Addison looked at his hand upon hers. "I can't do this," she whispered.

"Do what?"

"I can't do it... everything, I just, I'm so tired."

"Can you talk about it? Sometimes it's better to talk about how you feel, just let it out."

Addison shut her eyes, tears rolling down her face. Her emotions battled inside her, an inner war raging. Should she talk to him? He said he cared... that he wouldn't leave. Could she trust him?

She looked at Derek, shaking her head, trying desperately not to break down in front of him. She squeezed his hand, succumbing to her body's shaking. She buried her face in his shoulder, grabbing his shirt with her other hand, holding on for dear life as she cried.

Derek simply held her until she calmed down, rubbing her back. She pulled away, an apologetic look on her face. "I'm really sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be," Derek soothed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Addison shook her head, "I can't."

Derek nodded, holding her hand. "Okay, well when you're ready... I'll always be here for you, okay?"

Addison nodded, hiding her face behind her hair. Derek stood, and then knelt in front of Addison.

"Please try not to hurt yourself."

Addison looked up, seeing concern flash across his eyes. She looked down again, sighing. "It's easier said than done, Derek."

"You hurting yourself is hurting me, Adds, so much more than you know," Derek whispered, "We can work through this together, if you'll let me. I don't want to lose you, I don't know what I'd do if you..." Derek trailed off, leaving the rest unspoken. Addison looked up at him, noticing worry, fear and concern etched across his features.

"Okay," She whispered, her voice barely audible. She grasped his hand as he stood. "Don't leave me," She murmured, scared to be on her own, scared of what she will do if he leaves.

"I won't," Derek laid back on the bed, holding her in his arms. Addison smiled her thanks, her eyes closing.

"I'll never leave you," He whispered to a sleeping Addison.

_Never._

**A/N: Revieeeew! please? -puppy eyes-**


End file.
